New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio said that his office is on ‘a war footing’ with the effort to slow down the dreaded Chinese cough known as coronavirus. And if all the closures and mandatory social distancing and calling in the National Guard wasn’t enough to get people to start freaking out about the disease, the city will be randomly shutting off power to various areas to ensure people are panicking enough during the outbreak.

“I was exceedingly hesitant to start shutting off the power to people for no reason, but there are still people who aren’t taking this seriously,” de Blasio said at a press conference. “This will make them freak out a little more and hopefully we’ll get some looting or something.”

Coronavirus and its subsequent disease COVID-19 has already infected thousands of people in the US and killed 111, making it slightly more dangerous than butterflies.

“The thought is that people might be actually looking at the data and even comparing it to the seasonal flu, which kills upwards of 30,000 people each year and thinking, ‘well this isn’t that big of a deal.’ But if we’re going to seriously crash this economy, we need people to panic,” de Blasio added.

He added that the city government would have to “get into a heavy intervention in people’s economic lives because people are losing their livelihoods because of our unnecessary closures, so it’s a win-win for tyrants.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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