I’d Rather Have Global Thermonuclear War Than World Peace Orchestrated by Trump
As the most intersectionally progressive being on this overheating, colonialist rock we call Earth—a transwoman valiantly trapped in the body...
Ukraine
Liberals drop support for Ukraine after discovering Ukrainians are white
US—Progressive activists across the United States have abruptly withdrawn their support for Ukraine following the tragic murder of Iryna Zarutska,...
Leftists quietly update profile pics to ‘Slava Ukraini! * unless a crazy black man kills an innocent Ukrainian on a train’
In a nuanced display of moral acrobatics, progressive activists across the United States have begun updating their social media profile...
BREAKING: Trump buys Ukraine, renames it ‘MyKraine’ in unprecedented peace deal
ALASKA—In what international analysts are calling “either the boldest diplomatic breakthrough of the century or a high-profile real estate closing,”...
BREAKING: Federal Judge orders Putin to cancel Trump-brokered ceasefire and go back to war
Federal Judge Hugh Jassole has issued an extraordinary order demanding that Russian President Vladimir Putin cancel a freshly brokered ceasefire...
BREAKING: Democrats unveil bold new ‘Peace is War’ campaign in support of endless Ukraine conflict
US—The Democratic Party has rolled out its latest messaging masterpiece: the “Peace Is War” campaign, a daring rebrand of their...
Zelensky launches new reality TV show: Dancing with the Tsars in bold war-fundraising effort
In a dazzling pivot from trench warfare to twirling waltzes, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has unveiled his latest strategy to...
BREAKING: Trump puts Zelensky in ‘time-out corner’ during explosive Oval Office meeting
Washington, D.C. – In a bizarre turn of events during a high-stakes diplomatic meeting, President Donald Trump reportedly sent Ukrainian...
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name
LOS ANGELES—In a heartfelt gesture of international solidarity, President* Joe Biden assured the victims of California’s devastating wildfires that while...
BREAKING: Gavin Newsom announces he’s sending 500 billion gallons of water to Ukraine
Sacramento, CA - In an announcement that has left many Californians bewildered, Governor Gavin Newsom declared that the state will...
