Failed presidential candidate ‘Beto’ launches gubernatorial ‘Beta’ campaign
EL PASO—If at first you don’t succeed, try failing again. That’s the unofficial motto for Robert O’Rourke's Texas gubernatorial campaign after his...
Year: 2021
US House indicts 90% of Americans for Contempt of Congress
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the House indictment of Trump ally Steven Bannon for Contempt of Congress, the House, led by Speaker Nancy...
BREAKING: Pfizer releases new vaccine to protect against the side effects of its COVID vaccine
ATLANTA—Scientists are amazed by the quick development of yet another new vaccine under Project Warp Speed. The new vaccine developed...
Local woman devastated to learn pumpkin spice lattes don’t have any pumpkin in them
Having just drained her 743rd pumpkin spice latte (or PSL as she calls them), local woman was shaken to the...
OPED: It’s okay to be racist if your name is Biden
I don't know who needs to hear this but it's okay to be racist if your name is Biden. This...
BREAKING: Kyle Rittenhouse Found Guilty of Murdering Prosecutor’s Career
KENOSHA, WI—A career suicide turned in a career murder when Kyle Rittenhouse took the stand to defend himself. After a...
Buttigieg to fix supply chain issues by making all US highways gay
WASHINGTON, DC—Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg pointed to homophobia as the reason for America's current supply chain issues during an appearance on MSDNC's Morning Fellatio on...
EDITORIAL: English transphobic is grammar
There are nothing in this world which aren't transphobic. Literally everything are transphobic, which include the English grammars. Yes, even...
Newsom makes first public appearance since getting booster shot
SACRAMENTO--Dispelling any rumors that the COVID vaccine booster shot that he received October 27 caused his absence from the public,...
