BREAKING: Biden makes ‘State of Emergency’ the 51st state of the Union
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has unilaterally made "State of Emergency" the 51st state of the Union—a...
Year: 2022
BREAKING: China threatens to cut Pelosi off from vodka if she lands in Taiwan
BEIJING—A senior official in Beijing has pulled out all the stops in trying to prevent a US Speaker of the...
AOC says she was ‘just kidding about the Green New Deal’ as she pumps the AC to 72°
US Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been making the case for reducing fossil fuels use and reducing one’s carbon footprint. But she recently...
BREAKING: FBI investigating invisible noose found in AOC’s office
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has sent 15 agents to investigate an invisible noose found in US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's office yesterday....
JUST IN: White House Press Secretary replaced by a literal gaslight
WASHINGTON, DC—After acknowledging the difficulty in constantly gaslighting the American public about everything from the economy to the war in...
Biden Administration Changes the Definition of ‘Dementia’
As Americans continue to question President Biden's mental fitness and competency, the White House proudly announced updates to the Department...
Zelensky and wife pose for Vogue cover with their new billions
KYIV—The war conflict between Ukraine and Russia continues, while that happens the President of the country with capital in Kyiv, Volodymyr Zelensky, appeared...
Democrats Win Congressional Baseball Game After Run Recount at 2am
Despite early run tallies calling for a Republican victory, Democrats won the annual Congressional baseball game when extra runs were...
BREAKING: Biden has AOC’s bug eyes surgically implanted to look more alert
WASHINGTON, DC—After much criticism of Biden's squinting and looking half-dead, the president has undergone surgery to implant Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's eyes...
BREAKING: FDA approves new Pfizer vaccine that is 95% effective against recession
US—The FDA has approved a new vaccine that is 95% effective against recession, a statement from the agency said. The...
