BREAKING: Congress narrowly avoids being fiscally responsible again
WASHINGTON, DC—In a feat of financial acrobatics that left economists shaking their heads and taxpayers reaching for aspirin, Speaker Mike...
Month: March 2024
BREAKING: AOC launches ‘Free Rico’ campaign because ‘RICO is not a crime!’
WASHINGTON, DC—Progressive darling Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) has announced the launch of a new campaign, "Free Rico." The campaign, which aims...
AOC: If we just make everything the Bidens did legal, then they didn’t do anything wrong
WASHINGTON, DC—The ever-inspiring Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) has proposed a groundbreaking solution to put an end to all those niggling concerns...
‘Bloodbaths are only okay when killing millions of babies’ says devout Catholic Nancy Pelosi
WASHINGTON, DC—In a fiery appearance on CNN, Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) took Donald Trump to task for his misuse of...
BREAKING: King Charles is not dead; posts photo to show that he is alive and well
LONDON—The British Royal Family has released an adorable photo of King Charles III enjoying a day in with his beloved...
BREAKING: Nathan Wade forced to pull out of Fani Willis’s office
ATLANTA—Per Judge Scott McAfee's order, lead prosecutor Nathan Wade has been forced to withdraw from his duties at Fani Willis's...
‘Fetuses are parasites’ says vice president who lives completely on extorted taxpayer money
WASHINGTON, DC—In a recent interview, Vice President Kamala Harris has found herself embroiled in controversy after referring to fetuses as...
Kate Middleton tweets out selfie of her and her kids on the moon; crazy conspiracy theorists doubt its legitimacy
LONDON—In a stunning revelation that has left the internet reeling, the Duchess of Cambridge has taken to Twitter to share...
BREAKING: Clinton Foundation purchases Epstein Island to house Haitian children displaced by unrest
CARIBBEAN—In a move that has shocked the world, the Clinton Foundation has announced its purchase of the infamous Little St....
ACTUALLY: Cannibalism is the most eco-friendly diet and will save the planet
As a triple doctorate in Gender-Queer Wildebeest Grooming, Post-Colonial AI Prompt Engineering, and Post-Feminist Interpretive Dance Theory, I'm clearly the...
