Local man pretty sure he ended racism by tweeting ‘white people are the worst’
NEW YORK, NY—Several millennia of racism, slavery, and warfare came to an abrupt end Thursday when local progressive Dickey Le...
Googly McMooglyface
Nation’s liberals horrified by low COVID deaths as states reopen
America's progressives were horrified by the fact that states that have lifted COVID-19 lockdown restrictions haven't seen more deaths from...
Biden giving ‘Certified Black’ cards for every campaign donation
Do you want to be black? Have you always thought you were black but you just weren't sure? Well, doubt...
Joe Biden hires the Swedish Chef to help make his speeches more intelligible
After a fallout with former speech writer Jar Jar Binks, Democratic front runner Joe Biden has hired the Swedish Chef as his...
Biden fires his speech writer Jar Jar Binks
Displeased with his speech writing up to this point, presidential candidate and former Vice President Joe Biden has fired Jar...
Facebook’s new ‘Care-n’ react sends people directly to concentration camps
ST. LOUIS—Facebook users everywhere, especially those named Karen, are excited about a new feature that allows them to report people...
Billions confident the creator of Windows will protect them from a virus
Billions of people across the globe are waiting with bated breath for the maker of the Windows computer operating system,...
Wildlife reclaiming parks during lockdown: ‘The brontosauruses have quadrupled’
YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK—Usually, when you drive through Yosemite Village, you have a tough time not running over gnarly rock climbers...
STUDY: Women named Karen derive 83% of life satisfaction from telling people to stay home during COVID crisis
WASHINGTON—In a shocking new CDC study, researchers have found a correlation between being named Karen and deriving an inordinate amount...
Dwayne Wade proud to let his 12-year-old ‘live out his truth’ as a Pterodactyl
Retired NBA star Dwayne Wade remembers exactly what his 12-year-old son said when he came out as transpecies. "We was...
