NFL releases new super-gay uniforms
NEW YORK—Doubling down on their "Football is gay" message, the NFL has released its new super-gay uniforms for the 2021...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Donald Rumsfeld to personally lead expedition to Hell to find Iraq’s WMD
WASHINGTON, DC—Determined to be proven right about Iraq's stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction in 2003, President* Joe Biden has...
BREAKING: Bill Cosby released from jail after it became clear he doesn’t have dirt on the Clintons
PHILADELPHIA—Bill Cosby has been released from prison without being suicided as it has became evident that he did not have...
BREAKING: Skydiver who forgot his parachute dies from white supremacy
US—As President* Joe Biden has made abundantly clear, white supremacy is the most lethal threat to America—more deadly than Antifa...
US Olympic Committee awards Gwen Berry gold medal in Virtue Signaling in reparations for her not winning her actual event
EUGENE, OR—Following Gwen Berry's protest during the Olympic trials national anthem, the US Olympic Committee has awarded the activist athlete...
BREAKING: Biden honors LGBTQ Pride by drone-bombing Syria with rainbow explosives
PENTAGON—US President* Joe Biden celebrated LGBTQ Pride month by dropping rainbow-colored bombs on Syria yesterday. The dead and wounded civilians...
Bill Barr confirms he found no evidence of election fraud after not looking for it
Former Attorney General William Barr bluntly dismissed some of former President Donald Trump’s election fraud allegations as “bulls***” in new interviews...
Kamala announces trip to the Borders but says there’s no crisis there
WASHINGTON, DC--Vice President* Kamala Harris has announced a trip to the Borders after a constant stream of criticism from Republicans,...
Biden retaliates for Chinese defector by giving China the entire FBI
WASHINGTON, DC--Not fully understanding how it works, US President* Joe Biden promised to give the entire Federal Bureau of Investigation...
Victoria’s Secret replaces all ‘Angel’ lingerie models with Jabba the Hutt
NEW YORK CITY—In perhaps the wokest of all corporate wokeness, lingerie dealer Victoria's Secret has done away with its attractive...
