King Charles Appears to Forget Human Contact Lenses During Latest Address
LONDON — In what Palace officials described as a “minor wardrobe oversight,” King Charles III delivered a measured address on...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
GT’s Sydney Sweeney Supergirl Crushes Hollywood Version on Opening Weekend
HOLLYWOOD — In what industry analysts are calling a statistically improbable development, the independently produced Supergirl film from Genesius Times,...
Mamdani Organizes NYC’s Inaugural Public Stoning of Rape Victim
NEW YORK — In a landmark step toward multicultural equity, Mayor Zohran Mamdani personally oversaw the city’s inaugural public stoning...
WNBA Installs New Mid-Court Pro Wrestling Ring to Help Players Pummel Caitlin Clark
The WNBA has unveiled a regulation wrestling ring at center court for all games, designed explicitly to let players “pummel”...
Ewoks have taken over the Obama Presidential Center and have disarmed the shield generator
CHICAGO — A detachment of Ewoks has assumed operational control of the Obama Presidential Center, officials confirmed Tuesday, after the...
Two Imperial AT-ATs Seen Patrolling Around Obama Presidential Center
CHICAGO – Local residents and tourists were left both awestruck and mildly concerned Tuesday after two massive Imperial AT-AT walkers...
Chicago celebrates Juneteenth by hosting 75 murders over the weekend
CHICAGO—As Juneteenth celebrations took place across the nation, Chicago decided to put its own unique spin on the holiday by...
Leave Every Light in the House On and the Doors Open and Other Great Gift Ideas for Father’s Day
Dads are notoriously difficult to shop for, so we're thinking a little outside of the box with these gifts! Each...
Chicago Unveils Nation’s First Vertical Landfill as Obama Presidential Center Opens
CHICAGO — The Barack Obama Presidential Center opened to the public this week as the nation’s first fully operational vertical...
Local Dad Also Agrees to Not Build Nuclear Weapons in Exchange for $100 Billion
US—Area father of two Brian Thompson announced Tuesday that he has reached a comprehensive agreement with international negotiators to suspend...
