BREAKING: GOP Congress narrowly avoids doing anything the entire year of 2025
Washington, D.C. — In a masterful exhibition of bipartisan complicity masked as partisan deadlock, the Republican-led 119th Congress has proudly...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Local kids announce they are ‘starving’ 2 minutes after leaving a party with endless amounts of food they didn’t touch
In a heartbreaking turn of events that has stunned parents and child hunger advocates alike, a group of local elementary...
Joe Biden finally raises enough money for his presidential library
Wilmington, DE – In a triumphant announcement today, former President Joe Biden revealed that his long-stalled presidential library project has...
BREAKING: Police Release Image of Brown University Shooting Suspect
PROVIDENCE, RI — In a bold move to accelerate the capture of the gunman responsible for Saturday's tragic shooting at...
PETITION: Presidential Medal of Freedom for LAPD Sergeant Al Powell, Hero during 1988 Terrorist Attack at Nakatomi Plaza
Washington, D.C. — A Genesius Times petition launched this week has garnered over 150,000 signatures calling for President Biden to...
FBI Confirms Charlie Kirk was Killed by the Same ‘Magic Bullet’ that Killed JFK
In a stunning announcement that has finally put to rest decades of conspiracy theories, the Federal Bureau of Investigation confirmed...
James Gunn Passes on Chance to Make Any Money on Supergirl Film by not Casting Sydney Sweeney
Hollywood, CA — In a move that has left studio accountants weeping openly into their spreadsheets, DC Studios co-CEO James...
BREAKING: Immigrants demand their host country become more like the horrible place they fled from
New York / London / Berlin – In a bold display of cultural appreciation, thousands of newly arrived immigrants took...
Pope Leo says Orcs and Hobbits can be ‘friends’ and ‘murderous Orcs are just misunderstood’
VATICAN CITY – In a surprise move that has left both Middle-earth scholars and the College of Cardinals reaching for...
FOR SALE: Totally Legitimate High-Speed Offshore Fishing Vessel – $175,000 OBO
Tired of slow, boring boats that actually catch fish? Looking for something with real zip that can outrun literally anything...
