GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Imprisoned Venezuelan Dictator Nicolás Maduro surges into 3rd place in 2028 Democratic primary race
WASHINGTON — In a development political analysts are calling “both inevitable and deeply cursed,” imprisoned Venezuelan strongman Nicolás Maduro has...
Leftists Protest new MAHA Food Pyramid by Staging ‘Processed-Carbs-Only’ Sit-in Marathon
WASHINGTON, DC—Dozens of activists gathered on the National Mall today to protest the newly released Dietary Guidelines for Americans, 2025-2030,...
Trump on a Roll: Mamdani Captured and Flown Out of NYC Following ‘Large Scale’ US Attack
NEW YORK — In what White House officials are already calling “Operation Very Tremendous,” U.S. special forces early this morning...
‘No Kings’ protesters demand dictator Maduro be restored to power in Venezuela
Seattle, WA — In a display of unwavering commitment to sovereignty abroad while maintaining flexible standards at home, participants from...
BREAKING: Mamdani opens NYC’s first forced labor camp to generate that ‘warmth of collectivism’
New York, NY – In an innovative push to combat urban apathy and boost communal bonds, City Council Member Zohran...
GOP Leaders Vow Crackdown on ‘Rampant Fraud’ Once They Secure the Presidency, the House, the Senate, and Supreme Court
Washington, D.C. — In a fiery press conference on Capitol Hill today, Republican leaders pledged to finally address the nation's...
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
BREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situation
CENTURY CITY, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD...
Santa Claus hopes to make it down 50% more chimneys after a year on Ozempic
In a stunning announcement from the North Pole today, Santa Claus revealed that he has lost an estimated 400 pounds...
