Walmart requires face masks to keep their customers healthy
BENTONVILLE, AR—Walmart will require customers at all of its US stores to wear masks beginning next week in order to...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Congress passes bill to enslave everyone today to pay reparations for slavery 200 years ago
WASHINGTON DC—Congress has passed a bill to enslave all current living Americans to pay $6.2 quadrillion to descendants of slaves...
New Yorkers forced to shoplift bread hidden in shoe boxes to feed their kids
In a recent Zoom townhall, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said the recent uptick in crime in New York City including...
CDC admits to using Common Core math to add up new COVID cases
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have admitted to using Common Core math to add up new COVID...
Newsom mandates leather face masks so Californians can literally lick boots while being bootlickers
SACRAMENTO—Gov. Gavin Newsom has issued a statewide order mandating that all Californians wear leather face masks while in public or...
Redskins officially change their name to Washington Thinskins
LANDOVER, MD—The Washington Redskins have officially changed their name to the Washington Thinskins at the request of the leftist mob....
Bill Gates infuriated that they keep coming up with cheap cures to his coronavirus bioweapon
REDMOND, WA—Billionaire and Bond Supervillain Bill Gates is incresingly infuriated that doctors and health practitioners keep coming up with simple...
Local man frustrated that overpriced Wayfair furniture keeps shipping with young women inside
A wealthy local man has had to keep returning overpriced furniture bought on the home decor online store Wayfair after...
Biden rallies continue to wreck havoc across the country
Rallies for presumptive presidential nominee Joe Biden have continued across the country in Democratic stronghold cities, causing billions of dollars...
Activists furious that people are driving on the murals they painted on the street where cars go
Black Lives Matter activists around the country are livid after it has become apparent that people are driving over the...
