BREAKING: Skydiver who forgot his parachute dies from white supremacy
US—As President* Joe Biden has made abundantly clear, white supremacy is the most lethal threat to America—more deadly than Antifa...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
US Olympic Committee awards Gwen Berry gold medal in Virtue Signaling in reparations for her not winning her actual event
EUGENE, OR—Following Gwen Berry's protest during the Olympic trials national anthem, the US Olympic Committee has awarded the activist athlete...
BREAKING: Biden honors LGBTQ Pride by drone-bombing Syria with rainbow explosives
PENTAGON—US President* Joe Biden celebrated LGBTQ Pride month by dropping rainbow-colored bombs on Syria yesterday. The dead and wounded civilians...
Bill Barr confirms he found no evidence of election fraud after not looking for it
Former Attorney General William Barr bluntly dismissed some of former President Donald Trump’s election fraud allegations as “bulls***” in new interviews...
Kamala announces trip to the Borders but says there’s no crisis there
WASHINGTON, DC--Vice President* Kamala Harris has announced a trip to the Borders after a constant stream of criticism from Republicans,...
Biden retaliates for Chinese defector by giving China the entire FBI
WASHINGTON, DC--Not fully understanding how it works, US President* Joe Biden promised to give the entire Federal Bureau of Investigation...
Victoria’s Secret replaces all ‘Angel’ lingerie models with Jabba the Hutt
NEW YORK CITY—In perhaps the wokest of all corporate wokeness, lingerie dealer Victoria's Secret has done away with its attractive...
WOKE: Victoria’s Secret replaces all ‘Angel’ lingerie models with Chet the human turd
NEW YORK CITY—In perhaps the wokest of all corporate wokeness, lingerie dealer Victoria's Secret has done away with its attractive...
BREAKING: FBI foils insurrection plot devised by the FBI
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has foiled the January 6 insurrection plot devised by the FBI, US Attorney General* Merrick Garland said...
Newsom assures Californians his vaccine passports will be ‘super cute’
SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom announced a new way to show that you've been vaccinated against COVID-19 and allayed fears about...
