BREAKING: After seeing border crisis first hand in Texas, Biden promises to send $20B more to secure Ukraine’s border
EL PASO—President* Joe Biden walked a muddy stretch of the U.S.-Mexico border and inspected a busy port of entry Sunday on his...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
SCOTUS rules that razor wire can only be used to protect politicians from US citizens, not the US from invasion
WASHINGTON, DC—In a groundbreaking decision that left border security advocates scratching their heads and politicians breathing sighs of relief, the...
TRANS WIN: Sports Illustrated replaces entire staff with people who are fired but identify as employed
In a stunning twist that has left the media industry scratching its collective head, Sports Illustrated has chosen to revolutionize...
BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases letter officially endorsing Donald Trump for president
In a surprising twist of political theater, Senator Ted Cruz has released a letter officially endorsing former President Donald Trump...
BREAKING: Fox News unanimously declares Jeb Bush the winner of the 2024 Iowa Caucases
DES MOINES—In a bizarre turn of events, Fox News has taken a bold leap into the realm of speculative journalism...
Nation shocked that 2024 Miss America winner is an actual woman
In a plot twist that has left the nation in collective disbelief, this year's Miss America pageant concluded with the...
FAA to hire more people with ‘severe intellectual’ and ‘psychiatric’ disabilities to match Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move that has aviation experts questioning whether they accidentally boarded the wrong flight, the Federal Aviation Administration...
BREAKING: Biden cancels MLK Day because ‘he ain’t black’
WASHINGTON, DC—Joe Biden isn't even president yet and he's already shaking things up. Biden unilaterally cancelled the Martin Luther King...
Mark Cuban ends discriminatory hiring at Dallas Mavericks; signs 4’3″ powerhouse Wei Wu as Center
DALLAS—In a groundbreaking move towards diversity and inclusion, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has declared war on discriminatory hiring practices...
BREAKING: Speaker Mike Johnson prepared to complain ‘much more’ on social media if Biden doesn’t do something about the border
In a stunning display of legislative brinkmanship, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson has issued a formidable warning to the...
