BREAKING: World stunned to hear a US president form complete sentences for the first time in 4 years
WASHINGTON, DC—In an astonishing turn of events, the global community was taken aback as the newly inaugurated President of the...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Trump finishes insurrection started 4 years ago by becoming president again
WASHINGTON, DC—In a plot twist that would have even the most seasoned Hollywood screenwriter scratching their head, Donald J. Trump...
BREAKING: AOC claims she was nearly raped by Trump’s inauguration ceremony
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has made the audacious claim that she was nearly raped by Donald Trump's 2025 inauguration...
BREAKING: Biden pardons all criminals except cute old grandma who waved flag in Capitol Jan 6
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has issued an executive order pardoning all federal criminals and transferring their collective sentences to an...
BREAKING: Trump selects Genesius Times to replace CNN as official White House Fake News provider
WASHINGTON, DC—Donald Trump has announced that the Genesius Times will replace CNN as the official White House Fake News provider....
Trump Hollywood Envoy’s replaces fire-damaged Hollywood sign with “Trump Won”
HOLLYWOOD—In a bold and highly controversial move, Donald Trump's newly appointed Hollywood envoy, consisting of Mel Gibson, Jon Voight, and...
BREAKING: New fake government climate data in line with completely fabricated climate forecast
WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning display of governmental efficiency and creativity, the Department of Fabrication (DoF) has released a new set...
Greta Thunberg’s Global Warming Conference cancelled due to sub-arctic freezing temps
A symposium sponsored by the International Global Warming Trust was cancelled today in Michigan as temperatures dipped below -50 degrees...
In lieu of aid, Kamala enrolls California fire victims in Jelly of the Month Club
SACRAMENTO, CA — In what can only be described as a masterstroke of administrative innovation, Vice President Kamala Harris has...
Hunter Biden claims new ‘masterpieces’ lost in wildfire were totally worth $200 million
LOS ANGELES—In a bizarre twist to the already tumultuous narrative surrounding Hunter Biden, the son of President Joe Biden, has...
