BREAKING: Big Balls takes commanding lead in 2028 presidential polling
Washington, DC—The political landscape has been rocked by the revelation that Big Balls, once known only in the dark corners...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Judge Hugh Jassole declares the Constitution to be unconstitutional
In a ruling that has legal scholars scratching their heads and X users cackling into their keyboards, Judge Hugh Jassole...
BREAKING: Nation shocked to see a president in a room full of children and not sniff any of them
WASHINGTON, DC—In an event that left the nation both shocked and amused, President Donald Trump signed an executive order banning...
BREAKING: Democrats warn DOGE that it’s unconstitutional for the federal government to be efficient
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented political maneuver, Democrats have issued a warning to Elon Musk's "Department of Government Efficiency" (DOGE), claiming...
Groundhog Day 2025: Punxsutawney Phil predicts 6 more weeks of Liberal Tears
Punxsutawney, PA – In what has become an annual tradition of political prognostication, Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous groundhog,...
Charli XCX criticized for making a bunch of annoying noises during her Grammys porn show
HOLLYWOOD—In what can only be described as a bewildering assault on the auditory senses, Charli XCX took to the stage...
BREAKING: Thousands of liberals commit suicide after Trump declares: ‘I want to save American lives’
Thousands of brave liberals across the country have committed suicide in response to President Trump's declaration in a press conference...
BREAKING: Army releases identity of pilot in DC helicopter collision
Washington, DC – In an astonishing turn of events that has left the nation both baffled and amused, the U.S....
Dems who haven’t met a tax they didn’t love now worried about tariffs
For all of modern history, Democrats have had one consistent trait: they haven't really cared if the government makes things...
Media horrified as Trump replaces literal gaslight Press Secretary with an actual human who answers questions
WASHINGTON, DC—President Donald Trump has decided to replace the infamous gaslight, which had served as an unconventional press secretary for...
