Elon Musk opens salt mines sourced from liberal tears as Trump wins 2024 election
AUSTIN—Elon Musk has revealed that he has opened a new source of salt mines, which he claims are sourced entirely...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
WARNING: Call your doctor if your election is painful or lasts longer than 4 days
US—Physicians across the country are recommending a little red pill that does wonders for your election but warn that if...
Several cities boarding up stores in preparation for massive ‘joy’ from Democrats in case Trump wins
PORTLAND—Several liberal cities across the United States have begun boarding up stores in preparation for the massive "joy" from Democrats...
BREAKING: Peanut the squirrel teams up with Harambe to posthumously endorse Donald Trump
NEW YORK—The spirit of Peanut the Squirrel has teamed up with Harambe the gorilla to posthumously endorse former President Donald...
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I...
Biden back to anti-bite collar to protect babies
President* Joe Biden has been spotted wearing his anti-bite collar once again, as concerns grow over his interactions with young...
FACT CHECK: Kamala Harris DID just fall out of a coconut tree
n a breaking and bizarre development, rumors are swirling that Vice President Kamala Harris was recently spotted tumbling out of...
Hillary Clinton to dress up as president for Halloween again
CHAPPAQUA, NY—Secretary Hillary Clinton has decided she will dress up as president of the United States yet again for Halloween....
BREAKING: Oscar the Grouch Endorses Trump After Biden’s Garbage Comment
SESAME STREET—Long time resident Oscar the Grouch surprised the nation today by officially endorsing Donald Trump for president, citing President...
Biden: ‘Garbage Trump supporters need to tone down the rhetoric or I’ll annihilate them all with tactical nukes and F-18s’
WASHINGTON, DC—In yet another one of his signature "folksy" moments, President* Joe Biden addressed escalating political tensions during a recent...
