Disney announces their newest princess: Colin Kaepernick
ALTA VISTA, FL—Disney has announced their newest princess, Colin Kaepernick, who will star in a new film that will “showcase...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: No one wants to talk to Budget Fidel at the NATO cocktail party
Vilnius, Lithuania—It seems that nobody wanted to engage in conversation with the infamous "Budget Fidel" aka the "Welfare Warmonger" aka...
CNN: It’s illegal to view Hunter Biden committing felonies
(CNN) It has been discovered that the act of witnessing Hunter Biden committing felonies is now deemed illegal. As if...
Biden tweets ‘The Cost of a 4th of July Cocaine Hit is Down $0.16 from Last Year’
WASHINGTON, DC—Giving new meaning to the term White House, President* Joe Biden recently took to Twitter to share a rather...
BREAKING: Biden outlaws reading the Declaration of Independence on 4th of July
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has issued an executive order outlawing the reading of the Declaration of Independence on the 4th...
Macron caught fiddling as Paris burns to the ground
PARIS—French President Emmanuel Macron was caught playing his fiddle as reports came in that the entire city of Paris was...
BREAKING: Ukraine becomes fascist dictatorship in order to save democracy
In a stunning turn of events, Ukraine has taken an unexpected approach to preserve democracy: by transforming itself into a...
BREAKING: Video emerges of Trump admitting ‘I’ve sold a lot of state secrets’
We've finally got him this time! Video has emerged of former President Donald J. Trump admitting that he's "sold a...
Biden: ‘MAGA patriots unmasking Antifas pretending to be racist MAGA patriots are the biggest threat to America’
President Joe Biden recently made a stunning claim, declaring that the real threat to America comes from "real MAGA patriots"...
BREAKING: CIA asks for $6 billion refund for its failed Russian coup
WASHINGTON, DC—The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has reportedly requested a refund for its recent failed Russian coup attempt, which ended...
