BREAKING: Buttigieg surveys Ohio train disaster site in full Medieval armor
Former mayor and current Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg made headlines recently when he was spotted wearing an unusual form...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Biden announces 2024 campaign for president of Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking announcement today, President Joe Biden declared that he will be running for the presidency of Ukraine...
VIDEO: New Disney Hall of Presidents showcases Biden ‘leg hair’ speech
Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents has reopened to the public after months of refurbishment, offering park-goers a firsthand look...
BREAKING: Ohio identifies as Ukrainian province to get disaster relief funds from Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—The US state of Ohio has officially identified as a Ukrainian province in order to get disaster relief funds...
Nation starting to think appointing someone Transportation Secretary just because he’s gay isn’t such a good idea
US—People across the country are starting to think that appointing someone as Transportation Secretary because he's gay isn't such a...
After deadly Ohio train derailment, Transportation Sec Buttigieg vows to go on train vacation next
EAST PALESTINE, OH—Following the deadly train derailment in Ohio in which hundreds of thousands of pounds of toxic chemicals were...
BREAKING: Eagles win Super Bowl LVII after scoring 6 TDs at 4 am when no one was watching
PHOENIX—The Philadelphia Eagles, along with the rest of the world, thought they had lost Super Bowl LVII when they went...
Biden only needed 3 shots of adrenochrome to stay up this late
WASHINGTON, DC--America can rest easy. We are in good hands. If you were worried about the mental and physical health...
Satan distances himself from Pfizer after Grammys sponsorship
HOLLYWOOD—The Prince of Darkness has denounced his Grammys ritual being sponsored by Pfizer, claiming the company "is pure evil." "I...
