Beto doubles down: will replace US nuclear weapons with NERF darts as president

After a shocking series of events, Democratic hopeful Robert “Beto” O’Rourke has doubled down on his anti-gun stance. The former jailbird has stated that if elected president, he will replace all of the US nuclear weapons with NERF darts.

“It’s really the only common sense thing to do,” O’Rourke said through a translator who translated into Spanish and then back to English. “Hell yes we’re going to take your nukes!”

The announcement comes after O’Rourke made the claim that he was going to take American’s AR-15s during a Democratic debate. He then told his security detail they could only carry NERF guns.

Russian President Vladimir Putin gave a warm response to the move. “I hope this teddy bear is elected. I would like to play this game.”

A spokesman for NERF was elated. “We are happy to hear of this decision and welcome it as we move into the international warfare arena.”

Stocks for Northrop Grumman fell on the news.


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