Biden is giving up chocolate-covered kids for Lent

WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki reiterated President Joe Biden’s devout Catholicism today confirming that he has given up chocolate-covered kids for the Christian observation of Lent.

“As you know, the president is a devout Catholic and as such, he is following the tradition of giving something up during the solemn period leading up to Easter. In the president’s case, he decided to give up chocolate-covered kids,” Psaki said.

According to Psaki, Biden won’t be sniffing, groping, or eating any chocolate-covered kids until Easter.

Many Catholic theologians have questioned the sacrifice.

“I’m not sure that you can give something up that you never really did in the first place,” Father James Martin, SJ said. “President Biden has never liked chocolate-covered kids, so it’s not a sacrifice. I would like to see Mr. Biden start sniffing chocolate-covered kids as a true Lenten observance.”

Psaki replied that Biden has always loved chocolate-covered kids with the notable exception of Corn Pop.

Others are relieved.

“I’ve been telling people to hide yo kids, hide yo wife,” Biden’s neighbor Antonio Dobson said. “But I think we can all rest easy for now.”