Brave celebrity comes out as a straight white male

HOLLYWOOD—No demographic receives more hate, especially in California, than straight white males. That’s why it’s especially brave of the amazing celebrity Ellen Elliot Page who has announced his straight white male-ness.

“It takes a lot of guts to come out as a straight white male in this industry and I commend Elliot for this,” an anonymous fan said.

But not everyone was excited about the announcement.

All awards previously given to Page have been retracted and he immediately started received hate mail from the rest of Hollywood.

“You are a traitor, Elliot. How dare you come out as the most horrible type of person in the world?” fellow celebrity Harry Styles who is gay tweeted. “I thought you were cool. But clearly I was wrong.”

“I was a big fan of Page’s but I don’t think I’m going to be able to watch another one of his movies ever again,” Barnie Fife of Lawrence, KS said.

“I just thought he was more intersectional than that,” another fan who refused to be identified said. “I mean, he could be straight, or white, or male, but not all three! I’ll probably have PTSD from this.”

Executives at the major Hollywood studies have refused to comment on the news but rumors abound that Page has lost all chance of winning an award and even acting ever again.