BREAKING: Powell announces Federal Reserve has added Hawk Tuah Girl to advisory role
Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell announced today that the central bank will now be seeking investment advice from Hailey Welch,...
Business
BREAKING: Disney pulls scene of Clinton’s visit to Epstein Island from Pixar’s show after Kamala’s loss
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has decided to remove a controversial scene from an upcoming Pixar streaming series. The scene in...
BREAKING: Elon Musk becomes the first person on earth with enough wealth to fund the federal government for more than 5 minutes
WASHINGTON, DC—Billionaire Elon Musk has officially reached a level of wealth where he could, theoretically, fund the operations of the...
BREAKING: BLM looking forward to some extended Black Friday looting following Daniel Penny acquittal
NEW YORK—In a move that has redefined the concept of "retail therapy," Black Lives Matter (BLM) organizers have announced plans...
Starting in 2025, all refrigerators will have life-size replica of RFK Jr. judging your food choices
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to combat unhealthy eating and save the planet, a new federal mandate set...
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
Ocasio-Cortez vows to use only lowercase letters to fight capitalism
Capitalism has been way too successful at creating wealth across demographics for two centuries and democratic socialists like Rep. Alexandria...
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me
When I first joined X (formerly Twitter), it was a safe haven for people like me—progressive, open-minded, and wholly committed...
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign
Jaguar has introduced a new car designed specifically to match its groundbreaking gay ad campaign: the Dildo-Mobile. During a press...
