EXCLUSIVE: George Floyd celebrates 4 years of sobriety
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, patron saint of fentanyl, celebrated four consecutive drug-free years today. Mr. Floyd famously quit taking drugs following his...
Culture
MEMORIAL DAY: Nation mourns George Floyd who died when his spaceship exploded in 2020
US—This Memorial Day, the nation is mourning NASA legend George Floyd who died two years ago when his spaceship exploded...
BREAKING: US nurses preparing for deadly bird flu epidemic by practicing nonstop on their TikTok dances
US—Health care professionals across the globe have been working overtime to prepare for the impending bird flu epidemic – not...
BREAKING: Pope Francis excommunicates Harrison Butker for being ‘too Catholic’
VATICAN—Pope Francis has announced that he is personally excommunicating Kansas City Chiefs' kicker Harrison Butker from the Catholic Church for...
STUNNING: Chet and Jabba the Hutt cover SI 2022 swimsuit issue
US—Chet and Jabba the Hutt have reached new career peaks: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue cover star. "It's hard to even...
Pro-Hamas college feminists excited to become second class under Sharia law
In a shocking display of ideological confusion, a group of pro-Hamas college students, who also identify as "feminists," have expressed...
Chet the human turd demands to be added to the LGBTQ+ Pride flag
HOLLYWOOD—In what can only be described as a groundbreaking and revolutionary moment in human history, Chet, the human turd who...
BREAKING: The ‘Free Palpatine’ movement spreads across the US
In a bizarre and slightly humorous twist, a peculiar movement known as the "Free Palpatine" campaign has been gaining ground...
2024 Burning Man Festival moves to outside NYC courthouse during Trump hush money trial
NEW YORK—Organizers of Burning Man 2024 have announced that this year's festival will take place on the steps of the...
Vogue unveils shocking cover featuring Zelensky embracing new wife Mike Johnson
In a surprising turn of events, Vogue has just released its newest cover featuring the unexpected pairing of Ukrainian President...
