NY 911 switchboards swamped with Betty White sightings
NEW YORK—Authorities are recommending to keep a safe distance if you see someone you think is Betty White. Spokesperson for...
Culture
AOC: ‘Insurrectionists are just mad they can’t date me’
Did you know that all those frustrated insurrectionists are just mad they can't date me? It's true. That's why I've...
Pope Francis now requiring ‘booster baptisms’ for Catholics to be considered fully baptized
VATICAN—Pope Francis has proclaimed that all Catholics worldwide will now need a booster baptism to be considered fully baptized. "We...
Saudis open new Hajj park in Switzerland around the Matterhorn
MATTERHORN, SWITZERLAND—How much more enjoyable will the Hadj be with hot cocoa? This once-in-a-lifetime pilgrimage, a mandatory religious duty for...
Amazon to become a church to avoid paying taxes forever
SEATTLE—In a genius move, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos announced today that Amazon, the world’s largest online retailer will become a...
BREAKING: Joe Biden has killed Betty White
WASHINGTON, DC—Joe Biden promised a winter of sickness and death and he's starting to put his money where his mouth...
Top Genesius Times Stories from 2021
Despite the censorship by Fascbook and Twatter, a gajillion people delighted in Genesius Times articles in 2021! Here are the...
Biden diverts US border wall funding to Oprah’s ‘Promised Land’ estate
MONTECITO, CA—Oprah Winfrey is feeling a lot safer now that border wall is going up around her ‘Promised Land’ estate....
‘Matrix’ Producers replace ‘red pill’ with another blue pill from Pfizer
HOLLYWOOD—When the directors of the original Matrix film envisioned the iconic red pill scene, they had no idea that all...
CNN to report on the thousands of people not shot in Chicago over the weekend
(CNN)—We at CNN have a new policy in which, instead of reporting on the number of people shot and killed...
