Neil Young diagnosed with SIS; put on career ventilator, fans hold vigil for Spotify sales
REDWOOD CITY—Singer, songwriter Neil Young was admitted into the PR firm of APCO last night, suffering from delusions of importance...
Culture
Facebook launches new ‘vaccinated heart’ react icon complete with myocarditis
MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook, which is also known by its new name Fascbook has launched a new react button icon to...
New COVID variant ‘Happicron’ deadliest to old sourpusses and mediocre comedians
ATLANTA—The CDC has announced a new variant of the SARS-CoV-2 virus infecting Los Angeles in the West Hollywood area. It...
M&M’s releases new woke M&LGBTQIAM’s
HACKETSTOWN, NJ—M&M's chocolate candy is going woke with new, inclusive M&LGBTQIAM's with a unique filling: actual sh*t. Mars Wrigley Group,...
Leonardo DiCaprio presents his top 10 bucket list for the 9 years left of Earth
With just a limited amount of time left on the planet Earth, Leonardo DiCaprio’s shared his official bucket list of...
BREAKING: AOC begins cloning herself so that ‘everyone can date her’
US—Blueside Biological Labs has begun cloning US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) so that "everyone can date her," according to Left...
After being caught with locket of hair in mask, White House confirms Biden’s sniffing addiction
(CNN) The White House today has confirmed President* Joe Biden's hair sniffing addiction after he was caught with a locket...
Modern Fuhrer magazine ranks top Hitlers of 2022; Hitler comes in 5th, George Washington still #1
Modern Fuhrer magazine’s new Hitlers Ranked poll finds George Washington is still in first place, surprisingly, Hitler himself has dropped...
Millions of Americans Spend MLK-Day Claiming MLK Supported Their Political Party
In remembrance of Martin Luther King Jr., online activists are spending their MLK-Day arguing that Doctor King was a fierce...
Biden changes name to Emperor Palbiden, establishes Galactic Empire
WASHINGTON, DC—In a rare press conference, President* Biden said that he has officially changed his name to Emperor Palbiden and...
