BREAKING: Pope Francis names George Floyd patron saint of fentanyl
THE VATICAN—Pope Francis announced today that following the conviction of Derek Chauvin, George Floyd was a martyr of social justice...
Culture
Iranian government hires Kerry as new propaganda minister
TEHRAN, IRAN—Iranian President Hassan Rouhani announced today via Twitter that the Iranian government has hired John Kerry as its new...
Bill Gates wins Oscar for best villain in real life
HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for best real-life villain, which went...
NBA replaces basketball with ‘ball of knives’ in honor of Ma’Khia Bryant
LOS ANGELES—Communist China puppet activist and occasional basketball star LeBron James has created a new way in standing in solidarity...
Kerry proposes tax on breathing to fight climate change
WASHINGTON, DC—John Kerry, the President Biden’s Envoy for Climate, suggested in an interview today that the federal government should impose...
Minneapolis PD to start arresting random white people in reparations for George Floyd murder
MINNEAPOLIS—As part of the Derek Chauvin conviction for murdering George Floyd, the Minneapolis Police Department has been ordered to start...
Californian arrested for expressing wrong political opinion
LOS ANGELES, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department arrested local LA resident Max Summers earlier today for expressing the wrong political...
UPS commits to burning half of your packages if Derek Chauvin is acquitted
ATLANTA—UPS has increased the stakes in the woke corporation olympics. The package "delivery" service has committed to burning half of...
Minnesota 2021 spring Riot Season set to open this week
MINNEAPOLIS—Minnesota's 2021 spring Riot Season is set to open in most areas of the state this week. Looters and rioters...
BREAKING: Fox News projects Hunter Biden to win the Pulitzer for stupid memoir
DOOSHE, DE--Hunter Biden's heavily-promoted sex- and drug-filled memoir "Beautiful Things" has tanked in its first week on bookshelves, selling only...
