George Floyd Celebrates 300 Days of Sobriety
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, Patron Saint in the Church of Woke, celebrates 300 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit...
Culture
Here’s your guide to an uber-woke Passover
Jews have been celebrating the Passover holiday for thousands of years since the Egyptian Exodus, and not much has changed...
BREAKING: Man in critical condition after contracting severe case of whiteness
NEW YORK CITY—A man was sent to the hospital in critical condition earlier today after contracting a severe case of...
Biden makes Dr. Rachel Levine all-time Miss America
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has named transgender HHS Assistant Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine the all-time Miss America winner, making it...
Brave activists exterminate last ‘problematic’ white rhinos
KENYA—The northern white rhinoceros became the latest victim of woke cancel culture when brave American activists killed the last two...
Grammys slammed for including inappropriate Pepé Le Pew in otherwise family-friendly Cardi B pornography
HOLLYWOOD—People across the country were livid that the Grammys production staff included the offensive and inappropriate cartoon skunk Pepé Le...
OP-ED: Millionaire princesses living in mansions are the only truly oppressed people
The world was riveted last week by Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The interview became an...
New HR1 bill simplifies all future voting by making Meghan Markle Queen of the United States
WASHINGTON, DC—HR1, the bill before the United States Congress that takes away the state’s rights in regards to administering votes,...
Biden assures everyone we’ll be able to celebrate July 4th by year’s end
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden offered some crucial guidance earlier today on how to safely celebrate the upcoming holidays over the course...
Biden promises to briefly release citizens from lockdown on 4th of July for good behavior
WASHINGTON, DC—For the one-year anniversary of "15 Days to Flatten the Curve", President Biden promises to release the citizens of...
