ALERT: Pillsbury Doughboy reported missing
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—General Mills representative and pastry enthusiast, the Pillsbury Doughboy, has been reported missing to the authorities. Police are not...
Culture
Biden taps gender-neutral Potato Head as Agriculture Secretary
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has selected the new gender-neutral Potato Head toy as Secretary of Agriculture, enabling him to check several...
Shocking study finds 100% of people who support abortion have already been born
WASHINGTON, DC—Researchers at The Brookings Institute recently published a groundbreaking study on the topic of abortion. The study, which was...
Coca-Cola unveils new logo without any white
ATLANTA—In an effort to stay ahead of the woke curve, progressive soft drink company Coca-Cola has introduced its new logo,...
CNN: Disturbing new trend of Americans having ‘unfettered conversations’
(CNN) Over the past few months there’s been a disturbing new trend that’s been spreading like wildfire. More than ever...
OJ Simpson teams with Hillary Clinton to write ‘If I Did It 2’
CHAPPAQUA, NY—In a sequel to his 2007 hit book If I Did It, OJ Simpson is teaming with Hillary Clinton...
BREAKING: Biden signs executive order changing U.S. motto to ‘In Gov We Trust’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden signed an executive order today changing the national motto from ‘In G-D We Trust’ to ‘In Gov...
Coca-Cola now requiring employees to ‘be less white’ by wearing blackface
ATLANTA—Super woke soft drink company Coca-Cola is now mandating all employees to wear blackface in order to "be less white"....
In effort to win over media, Ted Cruz starts putting COVID patients in nursing homes
AUSTIN—Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) who was criticized for not personally fixing all of the telephone and cables during the snowstorm...
Biden is giving up chocolate-covered kids for Lent
WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki reiterated President Joe Biden's devout Catholicism today confirming that he has given up...
