Sacrifice a human and 7 more ways to celebrate Indigenous Peoples’ Day
Everyone knows that if you celebrate Columbus Day, you’re a Nazi bigot, so that’s why most woke cultures and municipalities...
Religion
BREAKING: G-D Will Destroy Portland If He Can’t Find Ten Righteous People In The City
HEAVEN—Heavenly sources confirmed that the city of Portland is in mortal danger. If G-D cannot find ten righteous people in...
Thousands of US companies celebrating Noahic covenant in June
US—In a show of solidarity for biblical principles and in particular the traditional nuclear family, thousands of companies across the...
NHL announces Baptist Pride jerseys in the interest of ‘diversity and inclusion’
In a stunning move towards diversity and inclusion, the National Hockey League (NHL) has announced the introduction of Baptist Pride...
Biden orders all creepy Easter Bunnies to be replaced with himself
WASHINGTON, DC—During the chaos caused by Farrakhan supporter Noah Green at the US Capitol last year, Joe Biden’s handlers lost...
California celebrates Indigenous Peoples’ Day by sacrificing 6 people to climate goddess Greta Thunberg
Everyone already knows that Columbus was a literal Hitler from the 15th century and that all woke people celebrate Indigenous...
Branch Covidians hold candlelight vigil after learning Fauci will be stepping down
US—Adherents to the fastest growing religion in the country, the Branch Covidian cult, held candlelight vigils across the country after...
AOC reports she’s in stable condition after the assassination attempt on Salman Rushdie’s life
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has reported that she is in stable condition today after the assassination attempt on author...
BREAKING: Pope Francis bans all ‘assault rosaries’ from Catholic homes, churches
THE VATICAN—Following the Atlantic's article identifying the rosary as an "extremist" assault weapon, the Holy Father has moved to ban...
Moloch to accept credit card donations for those who can’t sacrifice their babies to him anymore
US—In the wake of the Supreme Court of the United States overturning Roe v. Wade, the Canaan god Moloch, known...
