Cuomo blames his pen for making him sign nursing home order that killed thousands
NEW YORK—Governor Andrew Cuomo has accepted the responsibility of blaming his pen for making him sign the nursing home order,...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: Trump fails to condemn violence following impeachment acquittal
(CNN) President Trump was acquitted in his second impeachment trial on Saturday, but there was one thing notably missing –...
Cuomo hires crack team to find the ‘real killer’ of NY nursing home COVID victims
NEW YORK CITY—New York Governor Andrew Coumo has announced that he is taking responsibility for the COVID deaths in his...
BREAKING: Trump replaces impeachment team with Zoom call cat lawyer
Former President Donald Trump was unhappy with his impeachment lawyer Bruce Castor's opening argument on the Senate floor Tuesday, two people familiar...
Tlaib wins Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood
HOLLYWOOD—Representative Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised Allah in her acceptance speech after winning the Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood yesterday. The...
BREAKING: AOC recalls barely making it out alive of Ewok siege on Endor base
FOREST MOON—A teary-eyed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) on Monday recounted the horrifying events during the Ewok siege of the Galactic...
BREAKING: Thousands of immigrants heading to US to become victims of systemic racism
McALLEN, TX—A migrant caravan from Africa and Central America is heading for the United States to become victims of the...
Biden to keep troops in DC forever to make sure it doesn’t look like a military coup
WASHINGTON, DC—Josef Stealin Biden will keep the National Guard troops stationed around the nation's capital there until March in order...
AOC claims Starbucks tried to kill her by misspelling her name on her to-go coffee
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is living a nightmare in the hellscape that is the nation's capital. Not only...
Biden replaces disloyal National Guard troops with loyal Chinese army
WASHINGTON, DC--President Biden isn't taking any chances with security. He's making sure that all the National Guard troops guarding the...
