Goodyear shoots down all fat-shaming blimps; stops producing spare tires
Move over all you woke corporate goons. There's a company out there that makes y'all look like gun totin' Bible...
Newsbeat
DNC replaces 2020 convention with 5 minutes of loud, sustained yelling at images of Trump
After dismal ratings, the Democratic National Committee will do away with their traditional convention in 2020 and instead spend five...
UK police apprehend deadly gang of intentional misgenderers
Knife crime and terrorism is on the rise in the UK, but thankfully, the authorities have been able to stifle...
Breaking: Biden picks Kamala Harris to creepily sniff for the next three months
The decision is in! Finally. After months of painstakingly waiting the senile old vice president cum presidential hopeful picked his...
BREAKING: Biden supporters make off with millions in loot in rallies across Chicago
CHICAGO—COVID-19 restrictions didn't stop supporters for presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden from making off with millions of dollars in...
Michelle Obama complains about the black American wealth gap from her $12M Martha’s Vineyard home
As most people know by now, Michelle Obama grew up in the Deep South, the daughter of a sharecropper. Her...
Clinton: ‘I did not have sexual relations with that plane’
Former President Bill Clinton denied knowing anything about the “terrible crimes” allegedly committed by billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein. In a...
Fauci: You must give yourself a swirly to prevent catching the coronavirus
Are you prepared to do your part in combating the coronavrius epidemic? The esteemed expert of immunology and overlord of...
Lori Lightfoot blames Chicago gun violence on gas pumps failing to print receipts
Just today, Mayor of Chicago Lori Lightfoot reveals the exact cause of the mass murders going on in her city...
Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive by the plant that grew...
