BREAKING: US proposes new lockdown to stop the Omicron variant
US—Citizens across the US proposed new lockdown measures in the face of the scary-sounding Omicron coronavirus variant. "It's pretty clear...
Science
BREAKING: Travel bans aren’t racist anymore
WASHINGTON, DC—Officials have declared that it is no longer racist to restrict travel from Africa after President* Joe Biden restricted...
How to Get Over Hesitance of Giving Your Kids Deadly Drugs to Prevent Diseases that Don’t Harm them
We at Genesius Times care about your health. But we care about our bottom line more. That's why we're offering...
Gates warns he will release smallpox if people don’t get COVID vaccine
SEATTLE—Tech founder and worldwide supervillain Bill Gates says that he will release the deadliest disease known to man—smallpox—if people don’t get vaccinated...
BREAKING: Pfizer releases new vaccine to protect against the side effects of its COVID vaccine
ATLANTA—Scientists are amazed by the quick development of yet another new vaccine under Project Warp Speed. The new vaccine developed...
OPED: It’s okay to be racist if your name is Biden
I don't know who needs to hear this but it's okay to be racist if your name is Biden. This...
CNN: Why napping during climate speeches is good for the environment
(CNN)Taking naps on the job is the new technique to help the environment, science says. So, when the leader of...
John Kerry seen unloading private jet from transport jet en route to Climate Conference
LONDON—President Biden’s Climate Czar John Kerry was accused by critics of attempting to stage a photo op on Saturday after...
New hack for managers to get around pesky sexual harassment laws
US—If you're a pervy middle manager in a Fortune 500 company, you're in luck! Thanks to President* Biden's new vaccine...
BREAKING: Biden to replace unvaxxed soldiers with army of Rachel Levine clones
WASHINGTON, DC—Facing pressure from an increasingly hostile and militaristic China, President* Biden has approved a program to replace all military...
