Notre Dame changes mascot to Fighting Right-Wing Extremists following Dublin riots
SOUTH BEND, IN—In an unexpected turn of events that left the university community bewildered and perhaps a tad nervous, University...
Sports
US Women’s Soccer Team promises to win next World Cup by replacing all the women with high school boys
In an unexpected twist to boost their chances at the next World Cup, the US Women's Soccer Team has unveiled...
Disney announces their newest princess: Colin Kaepernick
ALTA VISTA, FL—Disney has announced their newest princess, Colin Kaepernick, who will star in a new film that will “showcase...
NFL Draft update: Chicago Bears trade first round pick for magic beans
In a stunning turn of events during the NFL Draft, the Chicago Bears shocked the football world by trading their...
NHL announces Baptist Pride jerseys in the interest of ‘diversity and inclusion’
In a stunning move towards diversity and inclusion, the National Hockey League (NHL) has announced the introduction of Baptist Pride...
BREAKING: Eagles win Super Bowl LVII after scoring 6 TDs at 4 am when no one was watching
PHOENIX—The Philadelphia Eagles, along with the rest of the world, thought they had lost Super Bowl LVII when they went...
Top Predictions for this Year’s Super Bowl
Today is Super Bowl LVII, whatever those numbers mean. I have no clue and neither do you, so stop pretending...
BREAKING: Unvaxxed, unhealthy, sick, guy with bad character wins Australian Open
An unhealthy, unvaxxed, sick, risk to society somehow won one of the most grueling sporting events in the world: the...
BREAKING: Damar Hamlin spotted on the front lines in Ukraine
What an amazing comeback. Damar Hamlin suffered a mysterious cardiac arrest on Monday Night Football two weeks ago and NFL...
Exclusive interview with a guy behind a mask and sunglasses that’s totally Damar Hamlin
We at Genesius Times is pleased to share with you an exclusive interview with a guy behind a mask and...
