BREAKING: John Bolton hospitalized with a prolonged erection caused by news of war with Iran
CNM News is reporting that former National Security Advisor to President Trump and lifetime hawk has been hospitalized with an...
World
Joe Biden seeks to be the first US president to start a world war and a civil war in the same year
President* Joe Biden has reportedly decided to make history by simultaneously kickstarting both World War III and a Civil War,...
Texas Razorwire Allowed To Stay After it Identifies As a Harmless Slinky
In a baffling yet oddly poetic turn of events, the controversial razor wire lining the Texas border has declared its...
BREAKING: Biden federalizes Texas National Guard troops, sends them to defend Ukraine’s border
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unexpected twist that could rival the most intricate spy novel, President Joe Biden has taken a decisive...
BREAKING: After seeing border crisis first hand in Texas, Biden promises to send $20B more to secure Ukraine’s border
EL PASO—President* Joe Biden walked a muddy stretch of the U.S.-Mexico border and inspected a busy port of entry Sunday on his...
Biden Warns U.S. Constitution Is Likely ‘Russian Disinformation’
WASSHINGTON, DC—In a jaw-dropping revelation that has left legal scholars and history enthusiasts bewildered, President Joe Biden took to the...
TX Gov Abbott installs more razor wire along the Southern border to halt the catastrophic effects of climate change
EAGLE PASS, TX—In a groundbreaking move that has left both environmentalists and immigration advocates scratching their heads, Texas Governor Greg...
BREAKING: Supreme Court lets Texas keep defending its border if it changes its name to Israel
AUSTIN—In a surprising turn of events, the Supreme Court has extended an unprecedented offer to Texas, allowing the Lone Star...
SCOTUS rules that razor wire can only be used to protect politicians from US citizens, not the US from invasion
WASHINGTON, DC—In a groundbreaking decision that left border security advocates scratching their heads and politicians breathing sighs of relief, the...
Texas Identifies As Ukraine So Biden Admin Will Let Them Protect Their Border
AUSTIN—In a bold move that left political analysts scratching their heads and cartographers scrambling for updated maps, Texas has officially...
