In the wake of ditching his religious convictions, the CEO of Chick-Fil-A, Dan Cathy, has announced the restaurant will simultaneously be ditching its current price structure.
From now until the franchise’s eventual demise, customers will be able to get their fill of chicken sandwiches and waffle fries for one low price: 30 pieces of silver.
“We figured the best way to show our dedication to being a morally righteous company was to abandon our morals,” said a spokeswoman for the franchise. “That’s why we’re topping off our rebranding initiative with the deadly sin of gluttony!”
During an impromptu press conference early this morning, Cathy was pressed numerous times by Christian activists to retract the company’s libelous insinuations about the Salvation Army being anti-LGBT. Cathy fervently insisted three separate times that the claims were not libelous.
The press conference was unexpectedly shut down after a rooster in the distance would not stop crowing.