CNN CEO selects Greta Thunberg to conduct triple bypass surgery on him


CNN CEO, Jeff Zucker, is in need of triple heart bypass surgery and he has selected none other than world-renowned teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg to conduct the operation.

“I spoke with my doctors about the need for the surgery, and I said, lookit, I’m going to need an expert,” Zucker said in an interview announcing the decision. “I don’t want to risk my life. So, I told them I need Thunberg.”

Thunberg has grown popularity for dropping out of her Swedish high school to complain to adults about the weather. She has no experience in heart surgery or any medical training whatsoever.

“Many people will question why Mr. Zucker selected me for this task and I say to them, how dare you? We’re all in this together,” Thunberg tweeted in response to the criticism of the decision.

“It’s true that I’ve never been to medical school but I was sick earlier this year, so…,” Thunberg added.

The surgery is scheduled for next Thursday, a week after Thunberg is scheduled to single-handedly wipe out coronavirus on the CNN Coronavirus Town Hall.

UPDATE: At the same time she will be conducting the operation Thunberg will be directing a new NASA rocket space launch and coordinating a US Navy Fleet via videoconference with the Pentagon.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.