Colleges dump SAT for much more accurate parmesan cheese-smoking intelligence test


US—Colleges across the country are ditching the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) for their standard entrance exam, replacing it with President Joe Biden’s apparent preferred test for determining aptitude: the parmesan cheese smoking intelligence test.

The move comes after Biden’s son Hunter Biden, whom the president calls the most intelligent person he knows, admitted to smoking many things including parmesan cheese in an attempt to get high.

“I spent more time on my hands and knees picking through rugs, smoking anything that even remotely resembled crack cocaine,” Hunter Biden said in an interview with The United Spot. “I probably smoked more parmesan cheese than anyone.”

That was enough to change the college entrance standard universally in the US.

“While the SAT has served us well over the years, it’s clear that some people are falling through the cracks… uh no pun intended. Some of the smartest people in the world fail the SAT, but are proficient parmesan cheese smokers,” The College Board President Naomi Fuchs-Givens said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times.

President Biden has appointed his son Hunter as Food & Drug Administrator citing his experience with food and drugs.

The change will take place as early as this year for college freshmen and freshwomen in the class of 2025.

All colleges in the US will be required to have Hunter Biden give commencement speeches as well.


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