WASHINGTON, DC—As states begin easing back on lockdown restrictions, Dr. Anthony Fauci is now pushing for new draconian measures to tackle another pandemic: HIV/AIDS.
“You might not even know you have it,” Fauci told reporters. “So if nationwide celibacy saves just one life, it will be worth it.”
The doctor presented his HIV fatality predictions to reporters, claiming millions will die before the end of the year. He also laid out his list of preventative measures, asking citizens to stay six feet apart and wear masks to reduce the risk of being attracted to one another.
“Men need to wear a condom even when they are showing no signs of arousal,” Fauci explained. “Actually, make that two condoms. Hell, make it three. You don’t want to kill grandma with HIV.”
Democrat Governors nationwide announced the shutting down of businesses, restaurants, entertainment centers, bars, universities and schools so people cannot meet and risk developing an emotional or physical relationship with someone. The party was proud to announce how quickly they accomplished these shutdowns but neglected to mention this was done over a year ago for the China Virus’s “fifteen days to slow the spread.”
“If everybody follows Dr. Fauci’s guidelines, I’ll let you have sex with your spouse next Valentine’s Day,” Dominion-elect President Joe Biden told citizens from a pre-recorded video with only 483 views.
Birthrates among Democrat couples are expected to sharply decline while conservative birthrates will likely experience no change.