CHAPPAQUA, NY–This morning Hillary Clinton explained her part in the bombshell reveal concerning the idea of Russiagate.
“Well, I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s all in the past now. The commie came up with it, not me. Look, we had a meeting with Obama in the Oval office and pretty much everybody who was anybody was there. I told them what Putin had suggested to get the media off my ass and the beauty of it was it got Trump in hot water. I thought we had put the issue of my emails to bed when Bernie Sanders agreed not to answer any questions on them during the primary debate. It was great, He was like; ‘Emails! Emails! We don’t need no stinkin’ emails!’ Well, I thought Putin would back me up but it turns out he a real ‘butthole’.
“I think Barack came up with the part about investigating Trump’s campaign though. I ain’t taken the dump on that one… all Obama. Actually, it could have been Michelle… yeah, I know… devious 101, that one. I will say though, you can’t unload on Biden. He doesn’t know what’s going on when you offer him a Coke, let alone plotting political anarchy. I once asked him to polish my shoes and he did. Had ’em shining in like… well, he’s a real fast polisher.”
The White House confirmed that ex-vice president Joe Biden had actually won the administration’s 2011 ‘Polish Puff’ shining 23 pairs of shoes in 60 minutes. It was later found out that he had cheated by not removing the shoelaces and the award was rescinded.