COVID-19 tests are rolling off the assembly lines in record numbers. What they’re not telling you is that there is a written component. In California and Texas, since English is no longer spoken, there has been considerable consternation.

Even presidential candidate Joe Biden, who speaks a strange pidgin of English and Jamaican Swahili has had trouble with the test.

Biden said of the test, “You know a man told me once, that ain’t a salamander Jack. I have forty bananas in my trunk and that’s no malarky.”

The test is a written test, in English, administered online or at the DMV, proctored by Klan members and takes three full days. Four if you’re an American citizen.

Of course, Russian bots are responsible for this disinformation. Many are refusing to take the test for fear of failing, being identified as an illegal, and immediately deported to New Jersey, Vermont or worse.

Since the ‘nasal component’ of the test consists of sticking a broom up your nose into the middle of your brain, then doing a 30-minute full ‘sweep’, some people are understandably reluctant. Luckily, you can hire Rick Singer to take both the nasal and written parts, but unfortunately, there is a lengthy waiting list. Call us if you need Loughlin’s or Huffman’s phone numbers. Operators are standing by.

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