Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
BREAKING: Boeing jets come out as trans-safe: they are not safe but they ‘identify as safe’
SEATTLE—In a groundbreaking turn of events, Boeing has announced that their planes are now officially trans-safe. This comes as a...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Mark Ruffalo and Ramy Youssef demand Israel stop bombing innocent babies in Gaza so the Gazans can go kill innocent babies in abortion
HOLLYWOOD—In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads, Hollywood actors Mark Ruffalo and Ramy Youssef have come...
Cannibal Haitian Migrants Excited to Feast on Sanctuary City’s Liberal Cuisine
SAN FRANCISCO—In a shocking twist of events, it appears that the recent surge of Haitian migrants heading for the United...
France celebrates killing babies to save them the embarrassment of surrendering later on
PARIS—In a groundbreaking move that has left the international community reeling, the French government has announced its decision to embrace...
BREAKING: Old man yells at everyone
SPRINGFIELD—President Joe Biden delivered his State of the Union address last night, leaving Springfield residents scratching their heads in confusion....
How dare Biden call austere undocumented murderers ‘illegal’!
In a shocking display of bigotry and ignorance, President Joe Biden has had the audacity to refer to undocumented murders...
Local men dominate International Women’s Day
The 2023 International Women's Day was a great success, focusing mainly on local men who think they're women. "Really, the...
Democrats praise Biden for not dying during State of the Union address
WASHINGTON, DC—Without much to celebrate, Democrats turned to the old failsafe of the president not dying during the speech as...
BREAKING: Zelensky wears black arm band in mourning for Nikki Haley’s campaign
KIEV—In a surprising turn of events, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has donned a black arm band as a sign of...
BREAKING: Origin of Jewish space lasers identified
ALDERAAN—In a groundbreaking development, photographic evidence has been unearthed that reveals the true origins of the elusive "Jewish space lasers."...
