Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
BREAKING: CNN has called 666 of Ukraine’s 783 presidential primary delegates for Nikki Haley
KIEV—In a stunning turn of events, CNN has called 666 of Ukraine's 783 presidential primary delegates for former U.S. Ambassador...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Keith Olbermann suffers rare TDS complication of urinating out of his eyes
NEW YORK—In a shocking development, renowned political commentator Keith Olbermann has been diagnosed with a rare and previously unheard-of complication...
US workers ‘finally able to get some work done’ while Facebook was offline for 2 hours today
US—American workers experienced a surge in productivity not seen since the invention of the coffee break, as Facebook mysteriously went...
Allowing people to vote for anyone besides Joe Biden is a threat to Democracy!
In an age where the sanctity of democracy is being challenged daily, it's time to address the root of the...
Help Us Celebrate Women’s History Month with our ‘Best-Made Sandwich Contest’
This March, we at Genesius Times want to honor women's history like never before. We're going all out to celebrate...
SCOTUS Decision to allow voters to vote for more than just Biden likely means the end of democracy
NEW YORK—In a stunning blow to the very foundation of American democracy, the Supreme Court of the United States has...
BREAKING: Nikki Haley unanimously nominated Queen of the Swamp
WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprise coronation ceremony held in the heart of Washington D.C., Nikki Haley, former U.S. ambassador to the...
Amid falling poll numbers, Biden tries a new political strategy
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bid to reverse his declining approval ratings and recapture the elusive magic of his predecessor, President Joe...
BREAKING: Donald Trump says he will leave the country if Donald Trump is elected president
MAR-A-LAGO, FL—In a surprising turn of events that has left pundits scratching their heads and citizens divided, former President Donald...
BREAKING: Due to staggering inflation, February now has 29 days
WASHINGTON, DC—As inflation continues to soar to unprecedented heights, the calendar is feeling the squeeze, with February now slated to...
