BREAKING: Sen Van Hollen claims it’s ‘disgusting’ that Kilmar Garcia can’t be home in Maryland to beat his wife on Easter like he used to 
AOC vows to torch her Tesla made by that ‘stupid billionaire’ as soon as she figures out how those magic firesticks work 
Catholic Nuns Cure ADHD With Simple Life Hack 
Local liberal agonizes over which cold-blooded murderer to support today 
Scientists now say that burning Teslas to the ground is better for the environment than not doing so 
Pro-Illegal Immigration Advocate Outraged Over Line-Cutter at Starbucks
DENVER—A Colorado-based pro-illegal immigration advocate, Ira Nee, was incensed when a man cut the line at Starbucks. The incident has...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Lego releases new Gaza Pride set
This revolutionary new toy is designed to promote cultural sensitivity and to teach children about the importance of acceptance and...
Nation celebrates Juneteenth when the government freed slaves from the plantation and made them slaves to the state
US—Americans across the country came together on June 19th to celebrate the momentous occasion of Juneteenth - the day when...
Walmart pulls Fried Chicken & Watermelon ‘Juneteenth’ ice cream after backlash
LOS ANGELES—Walmart has apologized for the Juneteenth items that its selling at its stores, specifically the Watermelon & Fried Chicken...
White House Report ‘Inflation is Way Down’ After Excluding Gas, Food, Housing
In a brilliant move to piggyback off the FBI's new method of reporting crime, the White House has announced that...
Biden: ‘Imprisoning Political Enemies Is the Only Way to Save Democracy’
President* Joe Biden has declared that "imprisoning political enemies is the only way to save democracy", in what many are...
Deciding Between a Community College and a University
So, you've crossed the threshold of high school and are now standing at the gateway to higher education. Congratulations! But...
BREAKING: City Council prohibits driving or walking on their new pride crosswalks
The city council has prohibited driving or walking on their new pride crosswalks to prevent destruction, in what many are...
FBI Reports ‘Crime is Way Down’ After Changing the Definition of Crime to Exclude Murder and Theft
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has reported that crime is "way down" in the United States, after changing the definition of crime...
BREAKING: Hunter Biden guilty verdict overturned after 300,000 not guilty votes were found at 3am
In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, Hunter Biden's guilty verdict on gun charges has been overturned after 300,000...
