Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
Conor McGregor launches snake removal service in Ireland
DUBLIN—In a move that left the Irish countryside both bewildered and entertained, MMA legend Connor McGregor has expanded his repertoire...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Subway hires Megan Rapinoe as Sandwich Artist after retiring from soccer
In an unexpected turn of events, soccer sensation Megan Rapinoe has found a new calling after what some are calling...
BREAKING: Palestinians promise that 10% of the released hostages will go to the ‘Big Guy’
In a perplexing twist of international diplomacy, Palestinian leaders have assured President Joe Biden that, as part of their gratitude...
BREAKING: Irish PM vows to crack down on unhinged extremists who don’t want their children stabbed
DUBLIN—In a stunning display of political resolve, the Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar has announced a bold crackdown on what...
Notre Dame changes mascot to Fighting Right-Wing Extremists following Dublin riots
SOUTH BEND, IN—In an unexpected turn of events that left the university community bewildered and perhaps a tad nervous, University...
Biden says African Americans should be able to shop on more than just ‘Black Friday’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden is appalled that stores still have "Black Friday," nearly 60 years after the Civil Rights movement....
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
If you don’t want your children stabbed, you’re probably a far-right extremist
I don't know who needs to hear this but if you don't want your kiddos gettin' poked with sharp stuff,...
BREAKING: FBI arrest person of interest in Rainbow Bridge terrorist attack
NIAGRA FALLS—In a plot that sounds like a rejected script for an action movie, the FBI has shocked the nation...
