Hey RFK Jr., Hands Off! Why Poison in Our Food Is Actually Good 
Millions of new tariff experts unsure how to pay off their student loan debt 
Climate activists protest Elon Musk by sending ‘NO DOGE’ smoke signals up from burning Tesla batteries 
AOC: Only Illegal Immigrants Should Get Due Process Because they Broke the Law to be Here So Clearly They Really Want It 
BREAKING: Katy Perry declares herself pope after reading the Bible for 11 minutes 
Harvard Hires Stormy Daniels to Teach Class on Virtue
BOSTON—Harvard University has announced the hiring of adult film star Stormy Daniels to teach a class on virtue. The decision...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
This Day in ‘Fiery but Mostly Peaceful’ History: Feds Massacre 76 in Waco Siege
The Waco siege, also known as the Waco massacre, was the fiery but mostly peaceful law enforcement siege of the...
BREAKING: January 6 defendants released after claiming they were ‘just protesting for Gaza’
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking twist of events, several January 6 defendants have been released from custody after claiming that they...
Vogue unveils shocking cover featuring Zelensky embracing new wife Mike Johnson
In a surprising turn of events, Vogue has just released its newest cover featuring the unexpected pairing of Ukrainian President...
Zelensky reminds every American to do their taxes so that he will get paid
KYIV—Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky made an urgent plea for every American to make sure and do their taxes so that...
I’d rather have a thermonuclear world war with Biden than world peace under Trump
It has been scientifically proven that a massive nuclear holocaust under the best president ever, President Biden, would be better...
BREAKING: As a result of Iran’s direct attack on Israel Biden sends another $10 billion to Iran
WASHINGTON, DC—President Barack Obama Joe Biden has once again surprised the world with his unwavering generosity towards Iran. In response...
BREAKING: Eyewitnesses report that the Ghost of Kyiv has entered Iraqi airspace
BAGHDAD—Eyewitnesses have reported that the elusive and mysterious Ghost of Kyiv has entered Iranian airspace, taking on the Iranian air...
BREAKING: OJ Simpson led police on a low speed chase in extended cab white Bronco hearse to funeral
LOS ANGELES—OJ Simpson, the infamous former football star, led police on a slow and low speed chase on the 410...
