Musk to Trump: ‘If there are 10 righteous people in USAID, will you spare it?’ 
Chuck Schumer celebrates Black History Month by devouring rack of ribs and whole watermelon at press conference 
BREAKING: Big Balls takes commanding lead in 2028 presidential polling 
BREAKING: Nation shocked to see a president in a room full of children and not sniff any of them 
BREAKING: Democrats warn DOGE that it’s unconstitutional for the federal government to be efficient 
BREAKING: Joe Biden denies crazy conspiracy theory that Hunter Biden is his son
US—The New York Times have finally admitted that the Hunter Biden laptop story is true and that there is massive...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Harvard changes definition of plagiarism to: ‘work stolen by someone besides our first black president’
HARVARD, MA—In a stunning and brave move that has left academics and students alike scratching their heads, Harvard University has...
MSNBC sees highest ratings for Morning Joe when show was off air for 15 minutes
In a shocking turn of events that left MSNBC executives scratching their heads, the network experienced an unexpected surge in...
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef
NEW YORK—A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein's pedophile island for $56 million, according to...
IRS Mistakes Hunter’s Tax Return For Caligula’s
In an astonishing turn of events that has left tax officials scratching their heads and historians reevaluating ancient spending habits,...
BREAKING: DOJ Indicts Hunter Biden for not giving any of his millions in bribes to the government
WASHINGTON, DC—In a peculiar legal maneuver that has raised eyebrows across the nation, the Department of Justice (DOJ) has chosen...
This Day in Fiery but Mostly-Peaceful History: Japan Bombs Pearl Harbor
(CNN) Japan launched a fiery but mostly peaceful attack on the United States at the Hawaiian naval base Pearl Harbor...
Unemployed Masters Graduate awarded Presidential Medal of Participation by Biden
IOWA—Twenty-eight-year-old Jeremy Daniels was one of several unemployed college graduates who was recognized and awarded a presidential medal of participation...
Ivy League Presidents correct lawmakers: ‘It’s not genocide, it’s *democratic genocide’
In a stunning display of intellectual prowess, Ivy League presidents Liz Magill, Sally Kornbluth, and Claudine Gay have come forward...
AOC: If transwomen aren’t women, why are they winning all the women’s sports?
I've got something super important to talk about. So, like, if transwomen aren't women, why are they winning all the...
