Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
BREAKING: Justin Trudeau wins local drag queen contest without even trying
OTTAWA—Justin Trudeau made a guest appearance at a local Drag Queen contest. He walked on the stage for, all glitz...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Santa Claus has died unexpectedly following Fauci visit
NORTH POLE—The world is reeling from news that Santa Claus has died suddenly and unexpectedly, shocking experts who were sure...
BREAKING: Death by coincidence is at an all-time high
US—Medical experts from the Center for Disease Control and Perpetuation (CDC) have confirmed that deaths by coincidence are at an...
BREAKING: Sam Bankman-Fried has tragically died in a plane crash tomorrow
NEW YORK—In a shocking coincidence, Sam Bankman-Fried, the man who used stolen crypto funds to donate to Democratic Party candidates,...
BREAKING: Matt Damon has died
You will be missed!
Trump Releases List of Possible Cabinet Members If He’s Reelected President
Even though there’s plenty of time until the next presidential election, former President Trump released a list of possible cabinet...
Pete Buttigieg caught unloading private jet from transport jet en route to Climate Conference
LONDON—President Biden’s Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was accused by critics of attempting to stage a photo op on Saturday after...
BREAKING: Musk releases laptop with pics of him smoking crack, laundering cash & sex trafficking minors to ensure FBI won’t investigate him
US—In a brilliant pragmatic move, Tesla and Twitter CEO Elon Musk has released a laptop full of evidence of him...
BREAKING: Fauci can’t recall COVID-19: ‘What pandemic? I don’t know what you’re talking about’
WASHINGTON, DC—After approval of government mitigations for COVID-19 have hit an all-time low, America's Doctor Anthony Fauci is distancing himself...
BREAKING: Jim Cramer says we won’t have a recession which means we’ll definitely have a recession
CNBC’s Jim Cramer on Thursday said that the economy is on pace for a soft landing and that we won't...
