Seattle communist zone celebrates its first mass starvation and gulag

Communists have taken over the Capitol Hill district of Seattle and declared it an “autonomous zone”. Decentralized organizers were pleased to announce that they had unlocked the first two achievements of a communist society: a mass starvation and a gulag.

“It is a time-honored tradition for communist countries to have mass starvation and a gulag, so we’re super stoked that we can do that here,” the lead comrade—who people are calling the warlord—Raz Simone said.

“The homeless people we invited into our community have taken all the food, so we are starving. Please bring food into our autonomous zone so that we can’t remain self-sustaining!” read one Tweet from a Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone activist. No hint of irony was detected.

“Please bring vegan meat substitutes and all the soy products you can muster,” one Antifa member said before his mom picked him up just outside of the barracades.

Later that day they created their first gulag to throw people who weren’t politically correct.

“That guy that we threw into the gulag was hinting around at something like, ‘all whites aren’t racist’ and we can’t have that kind of talk around here,” one decentralized organizer named Josef said.

“People are saying that it was wrong to throw that guy in the gulag, but really, it’s just a reeducation camp, so it’s okay. He can leave once he understands what we’re doing here is just,” Josef added.