REPORT: Trump fixed all of McDonald’s broken ice cream machines while on a break
In what is being hailed as the most unexpected accomplishment of his post-presidential life, Donald J. Trump reportedly repaired every...
ice cream
I’d rather have a thermonuclear world war with Biden than world peace under Trump
It has been scientifically proven that a massive nuclear holocaust under the best president ever, President Biden, would be better...
My spoon killed another 2 gallons of ice cream last night; it’s time for common sense spoon control
This morning, I was devastated to find out that my spoon ate another 2 gallons of ice cream last night....
DoD quietly adds new DEFCON levels for Biden food cravings, poopy pants
WASHINGTON, DC—The Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has notified media outlets that the Department of Defense has added...
Handlers shocked as Biden appears to develop own ideas about presidency
WASHINGTON, DC—Joe Biden’s “strategists” expressed shock and disbelief this morning when Joe Biden woke up with some ideas about how...
Ben & Jerry’s will discontinue vanilla ice cream to fight white supremacy
(FOX NEWS)—Ben & Jerry’s will discontinue vanilla-flavored ice cream to fight white supremacy, according to reports. The company’s decision will...
Ben and Jerry’s launches ‘Be Less Vanilla’ ice cream with arsenic to fight white supremacy
(FOX NEWS)—Ben and Jerry’s will begin including the deadly toxin arsenic in their "Be Less Vanilla" ice cream to fight...
VIRAL: Millennials raiding Area 51 to lick alien heads, return them to cryogenic freezers
This is really getting out of hand. After the ice cream licking challenge of early summer went viral, and then...
Fed up with blasphemous ice cream licking fad, local government enlists help from Spanish Inquisition
Well, nobody expected this twist. After suffering through years of Facebook fueled viral movements, one small government in East Texas...
