Texas Rep Joaquin Castro denies relation to dictator Fidel Castro after using all his tactics

SAN ANTONIO, TX—In a statement Thursday, Texas Rep. Joaquin Castro said that he definitely wasn’t Fidel Castro’s nephew even though he is getting really good at employing several of the Cuban dictator’s main tactics.

“I’m definitely nothing like Fidel Castro,” he said after he published a list of private citizen Trump donors and urged his followers to publicly shame and intimidate them.

“I just published a list of Trump donors, that’s all,” Castro said. “It’s public information,” he said of the list, which he tweeted along with the plea for “anyone so inclined” to “harass, vandalize, and publicly ridicule those on the list.”

“If you don’t want to get beaten up, then don’t get on the ‘Enemy of the People’ list,” said Castro’s twin brother Julian, who is one of three trillion Democratic candidates for president in 2020. “Who’s an ‘Enemy of the People’? Anyone who opposes us, of course.”

The Castro twins have been criticized for their approach to politics, which some claim is reminiscent of pretty much any tin-pot dictator and totalitarian regime of the 20th century, especial that of Fidel and Raul Castro of Cuba.

“The likeness is uncanny,” said political analyst Jesse Whipwhistle. “I mean, just look at the guy’s scraggly beard. They have to be at least second cousins or something.”

Fidel and Raul Castro ruled over Communist Cuba since they led a revolution there in 1959, and oversaw the execution of tens of thousands of human rights activists, dissidents, and opposition party members during their 60-year reign.

“It’s absolutely unthinkable that we would try anything like that,” Joaquin Castro said, rolling a cigar. “The people just aren’t ready for it…yet.”


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