WASHINGTON DC—Following an apparent gaffe, when the devoutly Catholic Joe Biden accidentally said “the palmist” instead of “the psalmist”, the US Conference of Catholic Bishops are running with it by releasing a new “King Biden Version” of the Bible with a complete “Book of Palms”.
The Book of Palms will consist of all the wonderful anecdotes of Biden groping children and married women during photo opportunities.
“We’re just so happy that there will be a Catholic president again,” USCCB President Jose Gomez said, “that we really don’t care if he’s actually Catholic. I mean the guy is racist, supports abortion, sodomy, and can’t keep his hands off little kids but that’s okay because he’s Catholic.”
The new KBV Bible features a picture of Biden with his palms up and will be mandatory in all Catholic churches in the United States starting in 2021 so that everyone will be able to experience King Biden’s palms.
“We thought about calling it the Book of Hairy Palms, but that would have been sacrilegious,” Gomez said. “But giving communion to a man who supports baby murder is just fine.”
A case for Biden’s sainthood has been opened at the Vatican after Biden raised millions from the dead on election day.