White House selects Baghdad Bob to replace Jen Psaki as press secretary
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House has hired austere press relations master Baghdad Bob to replace outgoing Press Secretary Jen Psaki. President* Joe...
Month: May 2022
Biden denies 2000 mules were used in 2020 election fraud; says ‘it was more like 5000’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has responded to the bombshell documentary 2000 Mules, which alleges there were 2000 ballot traffickers in...
Happy binary cisgendered birthing person day if that’s how you identify
I don't know who needs to hear this, but mothers do not exist per say. My three doctorates in various...
Jen Psaki leaves bat-sh*t crazy White House to join just moderately psychotic MSNBC
WASHINGTON, DC—Jen Psaki says she will seek ‘a boatload of R&R and lots of drugs.” to re-acclimate into a normal...
Democrats promise to fix all the nation’s problems by killing more babies
WASHINGTON, DC—In the face of crashing stock markets and skyrocketing inflation, Democrats have promised to kill more babies, outgoing White...
Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur,...
Don’t want a rape? Don’t get a rape. It’s not okay to impose your religious views on others!
I'm a super progressive. One might say I'm "ultra" progressive. I dye my hair. I have a Ukraine flag in...
Newsom takes break from force-vaccinating people to lecture everyone about bodily autonomy
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom has taken a short break from forcing people to wear masks, stay inside, and getting vaccinated in...
BREAKING: Amber Heard successfully resists urge to poop all over courtroom floor
Amber Heard has successfully resisted the urge to defecate all over the courtroom floor while on the stand in her...
Biden declares war on the Ultra Mega Super Actors
Washington - President Joe Biden declared war on the Ultra-Mega Super Actors this morning. Calling them the most devastating legion...
