Democrats praise Biden for not dying during State of the Union address
WASHINGTON, DC—Without much to celebrate, Democrats turned to the old failsafe of the president not dying during the speech as...
Year: 2024
BREAKING: Zelensky wears black arm band in mourning for Nikki Haley’s campaign
KIEV—In a surprising turn of events, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has donned a black arm band as a sign of...
BREAKING: Origin of Jewish space lasers identified
ALDERAAN—In a groundbreaking development, photographic evidence has been unearthed that reveals the true origins of the elusive "Jewish space lasers."...
BREAKING: CNN has called 666 of Ukraine’s 783 presidential primary delegates for Nikki Haley
KIEV—In a stunning turn of events, CNN has called 666 of Ukraine's 783 presidential primary delegates for former U.S. Ambassador...
BREAKING: Keith Olbermann suffers rare TDS complication of urinating out of his eyes
NEW YORK—In a shocking development, renowned political commentator Keith Olbermann has been diagnosed with a rare and previously unheard-of complication...
US workers ‘finally able to get some work done’ while Facebook was offline for 2 hours today
US—American workers experienced a surge in productivity not seen since the invention of the coffee break, as Facebook mysteriously went...
Allowing people to vote for anyone besides Joe Biden is a threat to Democracy!
In an age where the sanctity of democracy is being challenged daily, it's time to address the root of the...
Help Us Celebrate Women’s History Month with our ‘Best-Made Sandwich Contest’
This March, we at Genesius Times want to honor women's history like never before. We're going all out to celebrate...
SCOTUS Decision to allow voters to vote for more than just Biden likely means the end of democracy
NEW YORK—In a stunning blow to the very foundation of American democracy, the Supreme Court of the United States has...
BREAKING: Nikki Haley unanimously nominated Queen of the Swamp
WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprise coronation ceremony held in the heart of Washington D.C., Nikki Haley, former U.S. ambassador to the...
