Local man dies from plume of neighbor’s disgusting new perfume
Evergreen Meadows, Suburbia – In a tragic yet fragrant turn of events, local man Carl Jenkins, 52, was pronounced dead...
Year: 2025
Senators advised not to wear their Qipaos while speaking about China tariffs
Washington, D.C. – The Senate chamber turned into a sartorial circus this week as senators were cautioned against wearing qipaos...
BREAKING: Amy Coney Barrett gets face tattoos in solidarity with MS-13 gang members
Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett debuted an audacious new style this week: a full array of face tattoos inked...
Local dad makes sure kids don’t waste pennies leaving lights on so he can waste thousands in crypto
In the quaint suburban town of Evergreen Meadows, local dad Greg Thompson has elevated frugality to a performance art—provided it’s...
Dems who haven’t met a tax they didn’t love now worried about tariffs
For all of modern history, Democrats have had one consistent trait: they haven't really cared if the government makes things...
BRILLIANT: Tesla unveils ‘Original’ and ‘Extra Crispy’ models
AUSTIN—In a move that’s equal parts genius and gloriously unhinged, Elon Musk has once again turned disaster into dollar signs,...
Mitch McConnell Shatters Personal Record with 25-Hour Blank Stare, Inspired by Cory Booker’s Filibuster
In a feat of stoic endurance that left even the most jaded Capitol Hill observers in awe, Senate Minority Leader...
Cory Booker’s 17-Hour Education Filibuster Ends in Epic April Fools’ Prank: “I Had You All!”
In a stunning display of political stamina and theatrical flair, Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) concluded a grueling 17-hour filibuster on...
BREAKING: Pam Bondi releases all Epstein Files, announces arrest of all 366 of Epstein’s clients
Attorney General Pam Bondi announced today the full release of the long-awaited Jeffrey Epstein files, accompanied by the arrest of...
BREAKING: April Fool’s Day cancelled because reality is so ridiculous
US President* Joe Biden has cancelled the national holiday April Fool's Day due to severe competition from the ridiculousness of...
