BREAKING: Brittney Griner wins, won’t have to listen to US National Anthem for next 9 years
MOSCOW—US women's basketball player Brittney Griner has won her Russian court case and won't have to listen to the National...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Brittney Griner’s race card has been declined in Russian court
MOSCOW—WNBA Player Brittney Griner's race card has been declined after she tried to use it to during her trial in...
Maricopa County says they’re using Common Core math to count votes; could be done in 2024
PHOENIX, AZ—Election officials in Maricopa County have said that they're using Common Core math to count votes in the 2022...
BREAKING: A majority of wolves vote to kill several sheep
KANSAS—An overwhelmingly majority of wolves voted today to eat several sheep. It was the first electoral test of the issue...
91% of Americans disappointed China didn’t blow Nancy Pelosi’s plane out of the sky
US—A Pew Pew Institute poll conducted today shows that 91% of Americans are disappointed that China didn't blow Nancy Pelosi's...
BREAKING: China threatens to cut Pelosi off from vodka if she lands in Taiwan
BEIJING—A senior official in Beijing has pulled out all the stops in trying to prevent a US Speaker of the...
AOC says she was ‘just kidding about the Green New Deal’ as she pumps the AC to 72°
US Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been making the case for reducing fossil fuels use and reducing one’s carbon footprint. But she recently...
JUST IN: White House Press Secretary replaced by a literal gaslight
WASHINGTON, DC—After acknowledging the difficulty in constantly gaslighting the American public about everything from the economy to the war in...
Zelensky and wife pose for Vogue cover with their new billions
KYIV—The war conflict between Ukraine and Russia continues, while that happens the President of the country with capital in Kyiv, Volodymyr Zelensky, appeared...
BREAKING: Biden has AOC’s bug eyes surgically implanted to look more alert
WASHINGTON, DC—After much criticism of Biden's squinting and looking half-dead, the president has undergone surgery to implant Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's eyes...
